here comes the crazy...

Ever since losing William I have jokingly stated that during my next pregnancy I would need to move into the hospital and be hooked up to a fetal monitor 24/7 for peace of mind. I really haven't been that bad, I may have a constant hum of anxiety running through my body but I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping the crazy to myself. That is I was doing a good job, until Tuesday. Let me explain. Up until last week I wasn't feeling too much movement from the baby which my doctor told me was to be expected because the placenta is on the front side of my uterus. But then, starting last week, I started feeling her more and more and then this past weekend she was kicking like crazy all day and especially when I would lay in bed at night. Then Monday came and it started happening less and less. Then Tuesday came and I wasn't feeling anything. Cue the crazies. I started having all sorts of scary thoughts because this is what happened with William. Flashbacks of that horrible day this summer flooded my brain and I was in a panic. There was this panicking part of me, but arguing with that part was the I-don't-want-to-be-overly-paranoid-and-make-the-doctors-think-I-am-nuts part. Guess which part won? That's right, the nuts part. So long story short we went in, heard the heartbeat and got another ultrasound. The doctors couldn't have been nicer and more understanding. In fact, the nurse told me to come in everyday if I need to (I don't think she realized the can of worms she was potentially opening). Anyway they explained that the baby is still small enough that she can move around to different areas of my belly so sometimes I can feel her a lot and sometimes I won't feel anything, but that is normal. In fact when we had the ultrasound she was moving like crazy and I couldn't feel a thing. They told me that it would be around 27-28 weeks when I should be feeling really consistent movement. So with that reassurance, the crazy has been soothed and locked away until a future date when something else freaks me out.

So here is a cute new picture from Tuesday's ultrasound. We can't tell if she is about to suck her thumb or if she is using her fist as a microphone, something her mother has been known to do. Isn't she gorgeous?