Violence is not the answer...

Today I had my postpartum appointment with by OB/Gyn doctor. When I went up to the receptionist to check in she said (in her super-perky kindergarten teacher voice) "Oh, you didn't bring the baby. We hate it when new mommies come in for their postpartum check-up and don't bring their babies." I wanted to punch her.

p.s. I didn't punch her, in fact I kind of felt bad for her because she looked like she wanted to cry when I told her why I didn't bring in my baby.

p.p.s there were a lot of pregnant women and women with tiny babies in the waiting room. I kind of wanted to punch them. I didn't punch them. I thanked God for blessing them and prayed for them to have healthy babies. I still wanted to punch them.

Betty Freakin' Crocker

Today I made my Mom proud. I spent 3 hours in the kitchen making 3 kinds of soups and 2 casseroles to put in the freezer for easy meals. This took a major trip to the grocery store; lots of chopping, sauteing, browning, and simmering; and resulted in an obscene amount of dirty dishes. About halfway into this ordeal I was cursing myself for thinking this was a good idea. However, as I sit here now with a clean kitchen, a house that smells like the set of the food network, and enough in my freezer for 8 meals, I feel pretty fabulously domestic!

Much better...

I am feeling much better than I was on Friday morning thanks to a quick visit to Mike's parents house. They live on a farm in southeast Iowa and it is always so relaxing to go there. On Saturday Mike's dad cooked Maidrites, sweet corn and then picked some tomatoes out of their garden. It was such a good Iowa summer lunch. Then on Saturday night Mike's best friend from high school Pat and his wife Liz came over for dinner. They are very good friends to us and we are really lucky to have them in our lives.

We also got to spend some time riding around in Mike's 1955 Chevy that he rebuilt while he was in high school. We don't have the garage space for it in Des Moines so it stays at his parents, but it is always fun to take it out for a drive.

Tough Week

I am having a bad week. One of those weeks where I am seeing things in myself that I am not particularly proud of. For instance, my job is to do family therapy with kids who are in the juvenile court system and their families. Usually, I really enjoy my job and get great satisfaction out of helping these families. This week? Not so much. I patience is shorter than normal and I have had to resist blurting out (several times I might add) "Ooh...your kid won't do their chores, big damn deal!" I think this lack of patience may have something to do with the fact that I have managed to see every pregnant woman in the city of Des Moines in the past week. I swear, it's like they are falling from the sky. And when I see them, I sometimes think not very nice thoughts. I won't go into detail here but you can imagine. And everytime I see one of these blessed women I think about how I should still be pregnant and all that I have lost and the great injustice of it all. I know on a philosophical level that God has a plan for us and we will make it through, but I'm having a hard time accepting that this week. I really just want to stomp my foot, lay my head down and complain about how unfair things are. It makes me think of a saying that someone shared with us in the last month by Mother Theresa. She said, "I know God will not give me more than I can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much." Good one huh? Okay enough complaining, thanks for listening. Thank goodness it is Friday!

Favorite thing!

Mike's two wonderful sisters gave me this beautiful bracelet with William's initials engraved on it. I can't tell you the comfort it brings me to have this little reminder with me all day, everyday. On a more superficial note, I have never understood the allure of Tiffany jewelry, but when Melissa handed me that little blue box I was abnormally excited. And, truth be told, I love putting the bracelet in its little blue pouch each night before bed. That's not weird right?

Miss Stephanie

This is a picture of my darling niece Stephanie (she is Mike's sister Melissa's daughter). They live here in Des Moines so we are lucky to get to spend lots of time with them. She is 5 so she is the right age to have been really excited about the baby. The whole time I was pregnant she liked to talk to my tummy and help think of names. When we lost the baby her Mom and Grandma were worried about what she would say to me, but I made sure she knew she could ask me anything. She came over the day we got home from the hospital and walked right up to me and looked from my face to my tummy about 5 times. Then she said "Aunt Maggie, do you miss your baby?" And I said "Yeah I do." She replied, "Me too." Then she said in a very life-is-so-not-fair tone of voice "I didn't even get to play with him." It really made me smile.

Sticking a toe back into the blogging pool...

Lots has happened since my last post and this is about the 47th time I have sat down in front of my computer to write an update. I can't seem to come up with the right words to tell this story, but I think that the blogging world might be a nice and supportive community in which to vent. So I am going to start small and just give the basics, at least it's a start, right?

On July 16th we learned that our precious baby had passed away. I had been feeling less and less movement in the preceding days and so my doctor wanted me to come into the hospital just to get checked. At that time we learned that the baby had died. I ended up delivering a beautiful baby boy at 11:08pm on July 17th. We named him William Gordon McGill. He weighed 1 pound 11 ounces. We were able to spend some time with him and both Mike and my parents we able to see him as well. Our priest was able to come to the hospital shortly after delivery and baptize him.
I can honestly say that this has been the most difficult ordeal that I have ever had to endure and it has been a test of my faith. However, never in my life have I felt more sure about my decision to make Mike my partner in life. And, never have I been so grateful to the wonderful family members and friends that have helped us to make it through this.

That about does it for today's entry. I don't know if anybody but Karoline will read this, but thanks for listening.